Makes me wanna die

A couple of days ago I walked into the Shackled Amarr and saw CJ, KJ and Cia. While I was thinking of what to do, CJ came up to me, got in my face and told me to get out.

3 options: Let her hit me. Shoot her. Leave.

To be honest, letting her hit me was tempting. Deservèd punishment.

But I looked at Cia, sitting there looking like she'd been crying. I thought of the option that would hurt her least.

So I left.

Today Rocius threatened me. Him and his guards. I half wanted him to hit me, but he didn't.

I'm tired of being the nice guy. The one people think they can threaten without comeback. They seem to think I'm scared. That I care about being hurt. That I do things because they threaten to hurt me.

I went to my locker and got an old grenade out. I carried it around for a few hours. Sat in the bar looking at it and thinking. Was it worth it? Just to change the look on Rocius' face? I was seriously thinking that I wouldn't mind.

It probably wouldn't even kill me. Or whoever provoked it. Med tech is pretty good these days. Get what's left to a med-bay, and stabilise things long enough to at least clone jump.

There'd probably be a lot of pain.

But then, that's not really a change, is it?