Beginnings part vii

The next day I left a message with Amieta that I wanted to talk again - we met in the same coffee house in Rens - and I asked her about Camille. Amieta told me Camille didn't have the abstract idea of people, only people-she'd-met, and in the light of day I felt like I had over-reacted. I was probably just feeling the effects of the emotional power dive and climb - Camille was just being Camille.

I talked to Ami for a bit longer - she's fun to hang out with - I can talk to her about things that I wouldn't talk to Cia about. She's still radiates a certain amount of vigilance at me, but I think she almost approves of me and Cia.

Matariki came in to Lenfa's and we all chatted. She's had felt the baby move yesterday and was eager to share. I asked her what it was like having to choose to have a child, rather than to let fortune decide. Mata said that she'd assumed Jonny would get a fertile clone and they'd do it that way, but he'd refused for some reason, so they "fooled around" with an old sperm sample while waiting for the medics to get the dna sample viable... and hit first time. Amieta said maybe Mata's daughter should be named "Alpha strike".

Amieta and I both quizzed Mata after her comment about fertile clones - I thought they weren't possible, but Mata seemed to think it was.

Matariki tried to ask questions about me and Cia - with Amieta sitting next to me! Cia had asked me to not talk about it, so I stonewalled her. Amieta and Matariki both seemed to enjoy gently hassling me about Cia. It felt Ok. Good to laugh. Gentle jibes as signs of acceptance.


As we were leaving Lenfa's we ran into Camille and Cia in the Bazaar. I was happy to see her, yet I felt strange - like I was seeing her at a distance and unable to get closer. I didn't like it.

I asked her if she had a plan for when we go to war - what to do, and what to fly. I know she's not happy about the idea, but she has to at least come up with a plan to stay safe. Matariki suggested she could visit Paiho as something to do during a war.

I got a reminder the next day about why Cia might not be ready to go public. I ran into CJ and I'd heard a rumour about her and Kenpachi getting together. So I asked her about it, hoping to be able to congratulate her, or maybe provide some gentle jibes of my own. She looked at me like I'd missed something obvious, and said that she'd crashed on his couch a couple of times, but she wasn't looking for anyone to sleep with - too many bad memories. Then she left in a hurry making excuses about crew calls. I felt stupid. I think it hurt her to explain, and I caused it because I was listening to half formed stories via gossip.

Matariki came around that evening to see Grace. The more I look, the happier I am with her. Mata could tell I wasn't happy. She asked me how things were between me and Cia and I told her I didn't know. When we were alone, it was wonderful, and when we were apart, or in a crowd, I felt a bit lost. Alone.

And I had doubts. About whether Cia wanted this, or whether she was just bad at saying no.

Matariki told me things I already knew. Build good memories. Have lots of great sex. Have no regrets for things you didn't do.

It was nice to be reminded.