End of the beginning?

I came back from Patrol feeling refreshed, relaxed almost after 4 straight days in a pod. I sent Cia a mail telling her I was back and reminding her about Grace, but she was busy so I went to visit the Shackled Amarr.

Sarr was there. She was drinking again, and looked a little worse for wear. She told me that Gradient is getting ready to kick her out for rocking the boat, that someone was assigned to investigate her, and her "brother" wasn't looking out for her. I tried to tell her the drink wasn't helping. She doesn't fly in wars, and if she's not flying the only thing she does is drink.

I told her she had to find a goal, and suggested some possible options and reasons. Then I realised that I was trying to convince Sarr because I was trying to convince myself - to find goals. Reasons.

Almost everything has been on hold for the last few weeks because of Cia; but that's shown me that I really didn't have that much to put on hold.

Before Cia I didn't have a goal beyond getting through the week, not getting killed, and amassing enough assets to replace an occasional lost ship. I want more. I need more. I want to actually live my life.

Maybe even live it with Cia.