I dropped in on the Shackled Amarr on the chance Carinelle would be there. She wasn't but there was a new Gradient pilot I hadn't met. Before I could go and introduce myself Anuko walked in.
She looked sober, which was good; but she looked nervous. Scared. She wouldn't get too close to me.
I asked if I could buy her a drink, not the smartest move in the cluster on reflection, but she said no, I couldn't. I don't know if this means she isn't drinking anymore or just that she isn't accepting drinks from me.
She introduced me to the new Gradieng pilot. Veranon Kerger, a Caldari who doesn't like the Amarr much.
He picked up quite quickly that there was something up between me and Anuko. He was trying to get us to talk about it and clear the air.
He's been in Gradient less than a month and he wants to fix things he doesn't understand. Shit, he wants to fix things I don't understand.
Anuko went to the bar and gulped a large glass of something to wash down a pill. Then she came back to the table looking calm. Drugged. Mr Kerger tried again to get us to explain; talk about it; sort things out.
I wasn't about to discuss my personal issues with Anuko in front of someone I met 10 minutes beforehand. Especially if she wasn't happy about it.
She said in a flat voice that we should continue. She didn't care. I said I preferred her company not dulled by drugs or booze.
She said she was drinking water, and the pills were prescribed; that I was flattering myself to think it had anything to do with me.
Regardless of how calm she looked, there was something wrong there. I don't think I broke Anuko. I think she was broken before I met her. But now I can't even be near her without making it worse. So I left.
I hope she finds happiness one day. But I can't help her find it.
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