Shine like thunder, cry like rain

Work is less fun than it could be. I've fired a bunch of people for non-performance, and interviewed a couple more that I don't think we can use. Spys have made me more paranoid.

But if I'm too paranoid, we won't hire anyone.

Went to the BIONE party, saw Nelle, and she took me home with her. She has been approached by someone who wants her to be his top. He wants to worship at her feet. I'm not sure what that means. She doesn't sound like she wants him, but that she wants to help him. It's strange. I'm not sure how I should feel about it. She's taking on strays who need help. Is that what she did with me?

I don't think so. I think I've helped her as much as she's helped me. Sometimes she just wants to be held. Sometimes she wants more. I think I've delivered.

Gottii and Ciarente have broken up. I think they got too close or something and she panicked. It seems very familiar. Gottii doesn't want to talk about it, and I don't think Cia does either. I'm trying to be there for them. Cia told me his first name is Jacob. I never knew that. Later he told me that he doesn't like the name, since it was given to him by the Amarr. So I'm back to calling him Gottii.

He invited a bunch of people to his Lodge on Matar. I asked Nelle to come too, and she showed up late. Cia showed up late too, bringing a cake for my birthday. It was... odd. Suddenly there was more tension once Cia arrived, and when Nelle got there it felt awkward. I hope she didn't think they were tense about her. We talked about clans a bit. About how sometimes raising a child in a clan gives you more options. Cia smiled when we talked about how Silver and Ami were being Aunties for Camile. That they were helping raise Camille like a clan would. I think Cia liked that idea.

Mata was feeling sick or something and she went to bed early. Gottii and Cia retired soon as well, to different rooms... Nelle and I shared a bed, and she snuck off early in the morning.

Later, Gottii hassled me in a friendly way about the number of beds that had been slept in. I haven't really been hiding it, but he seemed to think it was good for me. He called me though because he was worried about Eva and KJ. They're happy now, but with one of them the CEO and the other the Alliance Executor, what will happen if they split up? Gottii's not really worried about Eva. But KJ took Sythra's leaving hard. Will he cope if it happens again? Gottii looked slightly haunted when he said that.

I will not tell them they can't try to be happy. They deserve the chance. I hope it works.

Just like I hope Mata is feeling better soon.