Prosthetic conscience

Sarakai finally got back to me and agreed to meet me in Lenfa's place for tea. She showed up looking calm like she usually does, but slightly uneasy at the same time.

We talked, inconsequentials. Then she asked me what I'd done in the service. I told her. Including the bad bits.

She accused me of being - stupidly - sensitive. Of caring about a single person I'd killed when I could look into their eyes, but not the thousands that died under the guns of my ship.

She was wrong. I cared about the person I killed face to face, yes. But I also care about the ones I kill under my guns. I couldn't explain to her why. At least, not in a way she seemed to understand.

Coming to EM was part of coming to terms with that. Now, the people who end up under my guns are supposed to be there. They're shooting back, and they're taking their chances, just like I am. I don't have bad nights over them.

She seemed confused. She said there were obviously rules about who you could kill and who you couldn't, and she didn't understand them.

Could she ask me? When she wasn't sure?

Obviously, she said, plausible deniability would have to be maintained. She'd use hypotheticals.

What could I say? I said yes.

Am I teaching her to be a better person? Or am I teaching her to pass as one?