Rapprochement

Cia invited a bunch of us to visit a bar in the federation run by STRIX - a Federation loyalist corp. I thought it would be interesting, so I showed up. KJ and Mata, Kenpachi and Taizu showed up as well. Cia brought a "friend" called Helmi Alpassi. she's Caldari, and about Cia's age, but she has the look of a bodyguard.

Cia was trying to maintain a sort of normal conversation while some of the STRIX people were talking about nothing but war and killing. I guess STRIX is a combat corp in the Gallente Militia. I think she wanted us to like the Gallente, and was a bit nervous about how things were going. They were also giving Helmi and Kenpachi some evil looks for being Caldari. Helmi took it very calmly.

The STRIX CEO, Zagamesh, is broken. He's been fighting so long that he doesn't seem to understand why. He wants to abandon the "phoney war" that the Gallente are losing and start a total war, cos that will go so much better for them. That the price of war should increase until the Caldari people demanded their politicians stop the war. That duty demanded hard choices. He said that too many people did not have the strength of character to become monsters.

Some of our people left during this speech - KJ and Matariki. It felt too creepy.

Cia said that Duty was used by people as a justification for doing things they wanted to do anyway. That it allowed them to say that it wasn't something they'd chosen, they had to do it, and yet they formed their idea of duty to allow them to unleash their nastier sides.

This bothers me a lot. I don't think it's true, but if Cia's right, it might be because I don't want to think it's true. I don't enjoy losing ships. I don't enjoy killing people. But sometimes, when I'm fighting someone and they nearly kill me I feel exhilarated. Joyous at survival; that they're dead and not me or my crew.

Then afterwards I think about the people on board. Were they all bad people? I don't know. I'm not sure I want to know.

In some ways, the pod-kills are the cleanest. I know the one person I'm killing had choices. They chose to be in a Pirate corp, they've been warned by our diplomats. and usually their sec status tells me that they've killed a lot of people before.

And there are no bystanders. No people only following orders. I spent a lot of time thinking in the bar surrounded by conversation that I wasn't paying a lot of attention to.

There was another man there - Saigan Lazuli - who seemed pleased to see us. He actually seemed interested in the idea of EM having good relations with the Federation. He also seemed interested in closer personal relations with Ciarente. He appeared mostly sane and able to hold a friendly conversation, and to tell Zagamesh he was full of shit from time to time, in a friendly way.

He had a job to go to though, so left after a while.

Then Mata's Jonny showed up. I've never actually met him before, so I introduced myself. He seemed wary, but once I wished him and Mata well he seemed almost bashful, like he was surprised that they were working out so well, and quite happy about it.

Zagamesh verbally sparred with Jonny a bit, but nothing too nasty.

Then another pilot came in and seemed surprised at all the new people. She was Kaylie Jenn, and when she figured out who Jonny was she was pretty abusive to him. She's been in the Gallente militia 3 weeks and has all the fervour of the new convert. I don't completely understand the antipathy towards Jonny. Mata said later that when he had been running Stimulus Corp, they'd kicked STRIX around a bit and memories are long.

While she was arguing with Jonny, I noticed that he never backed down once. No politely ignoring bullshit to smooth things over. Always asking her to justify her insults. At the same time engaging her argument.

While the argument was going on, Cia tried to change the subject.

Cia invited me to a party. She's having a "dry day" party which is a tradition in her home town. It's also her birthday, when she'll be 21 and officially an adult. Currently she flies a battleship with thousands of people under her command, and she's technically a child. I think the invitation is a sign that things are improving between us. It's becoming normal.

I asked if I could bring someone, and she said yes. I must remember to see if Sara is available when Cia gives me a date.

It was surreal in many ways that there was a polite discussion of party dates in the middle of a room of arguing people. The tension was obviously building, and Cia was getting more panicky, trying to pretend things weren't going wrong.

Kaylie and Jonny's argument escalated. Jonny asked if she'd like a duel, and she backed down but continued abusing him. She doubted his skill, and he asked why, if she doubted his skill, had she backed down. He was fairly belittling of her, but she was ranting.

At this point I started thinking things might go hot, and Helmi obviously did too, since she moved from an observation position to being between Cia and the potential fight.

Saigan Lazuli came back and was shocked that everything had disintegrated so badly since he left.

Jonny and Kaylie were getting more heated, and I suggested Cia should maybe leave, but Cia started heading over to get between Jonny and Kaylie and tell them "couldn't we all just get along". Helmi stopped her. Took her by the arm and almost pushed her out the door. Kenpachi and I were guarding her back.

Saigan blocked the door and asked what was going on, what was all the unpleasantness about? He looked like he'd hoped we'd become allies and could see his hopes leaking away. Helmi asked him politely to move out of the way, with steel in her voice. He moved.

I told him he should ask his people, that this wasn't a friendly place any more.

Cia told him they were arguing over who was the most patriotic. He looked anguished, but didn't try to stop us.

Jonny followed us out, down towards the docks and the interbus depot. Jonny sort of apologised for the unpleasantness. That much of it was based on ancient history. But he didn't back down. Maybe I can see some of what Matariki sees in him.

As we walked down the corridors Kenpachi had a gun out; Helmi moved between him and Cia when she noticed. I left mine holstered, but I was ready to draw. We were surrounding Cia like she was the only one that needed protection. Was that right? She's a combat pilot. She told me once that she's stabbed people to death in cold blood. What makes us want to protect her? Or even think that she needs protection?

I'm obviously not over her.