Like fragments of a dream you remember

I've seen Aradian around the camp a bit during the gathering. Always at a distance. Not quite avoiding each other.

She came to visit last night. Matiu let her past without even asking me. She wanted to talk. We smiled at the memories of so many years ago. Then shared an awkward silence while we wondered what to say next.

She's studying electronics design, producing circuits her clan can sell. She spent a couple of years away at university, and is running her own workshop while finishing up.

I told her I was a small cog in a large machine, but that I was proud of some of the things we were doing.

Why didn't you come to visit when you got back from the wars?

I didn't know if you'd want me to, and well, I was a bit broken. A lot broken.

You could have asked...

Could I? I knew she'd had a child with someone else, that should have meant something, shouldn't it? And really, I wasn't safe to be around for a while.

Aradian ended up hugging me somehow, and then we were both on the bed wrapped in each others arms. It's been eight years, but it felt natural to hold her, to whisper in her ear.

I'm not ... available - I'm taken.

I'm not asking for that, just tonight.

At that point it felt like it would have been rude to refuse.

Carinelle said it wouldn't bother her so long as I told her about it afterwards - so why am I so nervous?

And after all my good intentions too.