Losing something you never really had

Sarakai is dead. She was crew on a ship that was destroyed nearly three months ago. I didn't know.

We'd never really scheduled things, we just met up. We stopped meeting up in the usual places. I was busy; we've had lots of wars. And I started seeing Carinelle.

I'd been wandering the usual haunts recently, wondering if I'd see her again. Maybe in a pause in operations. I was sitting in a Cafe in Rens Bazaar after leaving Carinelle's Hotel room. Feeling pretty happy with the world after a good weekend. Cia was there too, so we started talking. She sounds happier. More relaxed. Her life is still complicated, but she says it's getting better, and when the worst you have to worry about is which cute man you want, life must be pretty good.

I haven't really talked to Cia in a while either, so we talked; about old times, and keeping up with friends. And I asked if she'd seen Sarakai.

Then she told me.

We were never more than friends, but I took a lot of peace from sharing tea with her. She was broken in important ways, but I liked her. I think she liked me too. I took her to visit Paiho, and she showed some of her shooting to the Clan. They welcomed her as a guest, and she laughed with pleasure.

I feel like I failed somehow. Betrayed her by not noticing she was gone.