Every day my confusion grows

Flashes of meaning. The weekend was full. Nelle leaving for Eldulf, Sonja getting wasted in the Last Gate, people teasing me about Nelle; People shooting at me. People crying on my shoulder.

But the moment that I think about most was when Anuko pointed at me in the last gate and demanded of Eva the chance to talk to me.

So of course, Eva, My Boss, says No, I will protect him. Did she what? She smiled, gave me a bottle of vodka and said He's all yours

Anuko dragged me off to a booth and glared at me across the table.

Listen you ... I know what you're doing to my friend... Nelle, She's like my big sister, you hear?

It went downhill from there. She said I hurt people, and she wouldn't let me hurt Nelle. What did I do to her? I was nice, and I wouldn't lie to her. She didn't want to hear. I told her I wasn't going to hurt Nelle.

Then I believe we have an agreement

No. We don't

Now it was her turn to look confused. I will not be threatened into doing the things I was going to do anyway. Not again. I will not let people think I'm scared of them when I'm not.

I'm not going to hurt Nelle because I care about her. I don't care whether you threaten me about it, it doesn't make a difference... She's special. I think she's the first woman I've properly loved. I might make mistakes, but I'll try to make them up. I don't want to hurt her!

Anuko looked at me like she might even believe me.

I'll keep you to that

And she stormed off.